textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
