so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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