At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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