youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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