and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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