Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
