East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
