of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
