Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
