so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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