I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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