so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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