brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
