White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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