I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
