Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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