you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We had to coat check the pizza.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
