This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
