I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
