the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
