Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
