Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
