rhymes with "ouble enetration"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
