you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
