she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
