well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
