Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
