Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
be right there i have to get my cape
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
