i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
