Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
