I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
