Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
