I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize