Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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