Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
