fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
