sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
