i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
