We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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