Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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