i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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