im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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