So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How does it feel to date your dad?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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