At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
