THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
