Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
