If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
