So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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