I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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