Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize