i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
