I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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