I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
