Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize