did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
