Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
