After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
