She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize