I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
