Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
