We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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