I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
