is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
