i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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