So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
