he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
