my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize