i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
we made out on top of his cat.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize