Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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