my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
