i will never coherently bang her
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Randomize
