Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
