We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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