I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
