I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
