I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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