is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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