anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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