i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize