I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
