whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
