Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
