I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
