He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bring me that man meat
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
there is glitter all over my balls
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