My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
In America we eat man semen.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
