i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
