I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my vag is so smooth its legendary
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
