I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize